All that I know, is that I dont know how to be something you miss

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rLhEFvXQIw&feature=fvst When I first heard this song, I honestly skipped over it at about 0:37 seconds. I thought nothing about it and what it could mean to me, until I stumbled upon this version on youtube. I love spending hours on youtube listening to people sing different versions of songs. After hearing this version, I feel in love with it. Maybe, I never liked it because its by Taylor Swift, and I think hearing her sing it doesnt mean anything to me anymore. I find that in her recent album she has absolutely no emotion in her voice. I think that takes alot for me to say considering that I was her biggest fan at one point in time. I just love the rawness and reality of this song. Ultimate break up song right here.

Single Girls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYUKq94cJiI

This makes me want to attempt to learn to play piano again.

4 DAYS TILL CANADA

Biology

Biology class. Whatever happened to Biology class. Well I guess what happened is I moved thousands of miles away from my hometown, oh and I graduated. So I guess you could say, that there was no need to be in a biology class anymore. As I was conversing with Christine today, bestfriend-bio partner-tinfoil collector, she was telling me of a mark she took in Chemistry that probably would not please her parents too well, but it reminded me of stressing over tests. Even though I strongly dislike science of any sort, I always looked forward to bio, mainly for the people that I avoided doing work with or talking with Ms.K. I remember opening countless animals, I would have to say I was quite into the frog dissection and also crying countless times over those damned punnet squares. No matter how many times Christine would explain to me, or Ms. K , or extra pre-exam practices I went to, I hated them. In the end, after months of frustration I still managed to pull a good enough mark. Needless to say without Christine as my bio partner, I doubt I would have passed that first exam. If I remember correctly our table, at the front of the classroom consisted of Christine, Myself, Myles and Jay. Jay was usually too wrapped up in his man crush of John Mayer, singing away songs of countless heartbreak to join our power pod, but Christine, Myles and I excelled at almost everything we did together. Although Myles was always distracting us with his ability to use his iphone in class, we were a good team. It just made me think about how much I miss highschool. I miss walking in every morning barley making it to my locker before O Canada, but sometimes if you are wearing the proper footwear, aka no heels, you would be able to sneak through the MPR and still make it to Ms.Knights creative english course. I miss when you spot your bestfriend in the hallway coming from the opposite direction, you still wave or make a silly face , even though you know your bound to see them in the mpr in a matter of mintues. I miss the teachers saying hello to you everytime they saw you, even if you attempted to put your head down, because you definately did not pay attention last class and they called you out on it infront of everyone. I miss all of us girls trying to put together whatever money we had left from our paychecks to buy a bag of chips or a chocolate bar. But I think most of all I miss the parking lot after school. Of course, I didnt have my own car, and there was absolutely no need for me to get a ride home seeing as I live 75 steps away, but I always ended up in someones car. Pumping music, crazy dancing, hiding ryans binders. Watching him look for them, watching him get worried, watching him get angry, watching him give up. hahahaha. I think overall, I really miss the people and the atmosphere. I am very lucky to be able to say that highschool was alot of fun for me. I talk to some friends here, and they complain about how horrible highschool was for them. I am thankful that I had a great group of friends who always knew how to brighten my day. As a wise, older person once told me,

You are in charge of your own happiness.

Something , that I live by alot, out here.

My hands are tied

Lately It seems that I am very overwhelmed with decisions. Mainly just the decision of deciding what I want to do with my life. I really know what my passion is right now, just taking 1 more year off to travel the world. But at the same time, I have alot of pressure to start school. I really dont think I am ready to lay down thousands of dollars to study a career that I am so unsure about. I am completly frazzled when it comes to deciding what I want to study. I have an interest in rehabilitation with alcohol and drugs, Travel, Music and psychology. If anyone knows a job that puts that all together please do inform me. I guess at some point in time, I will have to separate my passions from my priorities. I have decided to take another year off, not so much support from parents about not going back to school, but they are very happy that I am taking time to travel and see the world. There are so many places I still have to see, and I feel like I am running out of time. I know I am only 18, but soon to be 19 and I start freaking out every now and then because I have so many things I want to accomplish in my little time here. I really do want to have a great career, a family of my own and all those fun things everyone does, but at the same time, I have this huge desire to see so much more. Is it selfish? I am stuck with the decision of deciding where I want to go next year and at what time in the season do I go. I am returning home in a few short weeks, plan on finding a full time job and working my little bum off in order to make loads of cash. I have contemplated many options, the most popular one in my mind is working till the middle of September and heading off to Au pair in Sydney. I plan on staying there for about a year if I go to Australia as an au pair. It would be alot easier for me there than Italy, because I can get a second job, maybe a night job at a restaurant, earn a little more. Also, the benefit of having good friends that live there, that are more than excited for me to move there. Then there is the option of coming back to Italy, and au pairing in Rome. I have fallen completely head over heels in love for this city. I cant explain how much I love being in this city, I just feel so happy and at home. But then the factor that I have already been to Italy, and this would be my third time to Europe. There is also the option of working until December and taking 3 months in either continent Aus land or Europe and just travel from city to city. I met so many people on my last trip just travelling alone. I dont think I would be able to do it on my own, but I had a blast doing it with Brook for 11 days. You meet so many new people and I absoluetly love that feeling. As you can see my hands are tied and I have no idea what to do. I guess I should really just do what makes myself happy and what I really want to do. Because this is my life, and I know I have expectations to fill but I need to put myself first. Something that I have been working on lately.